Why do we do the same things over and over again? Why do we keep attracting the same kind of partners or the same conflicting situations? Do you ever find yourself wondering why the same kind of sh*t just in a different bowl? The answer to all these questions is because of our brain. The way our brain is wired is the cause of many of our experiences.
I love to use the analogy “the brain is like a forest, full of pathways.” The pathways being the trails, the trails are our habits, our habitual thinking, our patterns and most of all the pathways are the way we usually react to situations or things. When we go for a hike, we usually take the route that is already there. The pathway that is safe and it is easy to walk on. Very seldom do we go through the bushes, creating a new pathway or ripping plants out so we can build a new route. Knowing that, how can we truly create transformation? How does transformation occur? We need to create new pathways, new trails, even if it seems unsafe at some point. That means creating a new way of thinking, of reacting.
Transformation is also a process. It is like baking a cake for the first time. We have to follow the recipe to be able to savor the exquisiteness of the cake.
The first step of the recipe is to step back. We have to see the situation from outside the box. Remember we are reacting a certain way because of our past experiences (using the same trails) we have to be willing to see who we are being in any given situation. I have learned to ask myself questions like. Why am I reacting this way? Why am I feeling like this? Why am I feeling guilty or jealous or sad or rejected? Why did I get so upset? When we ask ourselves these questions we get to decide what is true about us; we become aware of the situation, therefore, we give ourselves permission to build a new pathway ( a new way of being). This will allow us to let go of old beliefs and create a space to build new ones. (It is important to journal this process).
The next step is to say ‘YES’. Saying ‘YES’ to create new beliefs, saying ‘yes’ to TAKE ACTION; we get to choose what trails to take. We get to choose what is true about us. It is up to us to create this new identity, this new way of thinking. However, it is important to understand that this, too, is a process and it is a constant reminder that WE HAVE TO TAKE ACTION. We are saying, ‘YES’ to our new beliefs. We don’t build a new pathway in one day. It does not only take time to build it, but it takes constant doing it.
One of the main ingredients of the recipe is to have people who support us during this process. We have to start setting ourselves up for success. Surround yourself with people that believe this already. Read about the brain; take action, so you don’t create the same sh*t just in a different bowl. Meet people that are going to stretch you. It is important, though to remember to be gentle with yourself during this process. Love the journey, and most of all love this beautiful self that you already are.